Emergency Room +++ Day 40

At the place where Jesus was crucified, there was a garden, and in the garden a new tomb, in which no one had ever been laid. 42 Because it was the Jewish day of Preparation and since the tomb was nearby, they laid Jesus there.  John 19:41-42

It feels like I am about to use my last breath and I am not sure I will make it to the emergency room in time.  We should have called 911…but we didn’t…and I am in the back seat alone as my husband drives me to the hospital.  I was diagnosed with chronic bronchitis as a young child but it has never felt like this.  I close my eyes as I cry silent tears, gasping for breath…and as I close my eyes, I see Him.

Well, the shadow in the darkness feels like Him.  Yes, it is Him. Now, I am scared and anxious and want to say something to my husband but I just gasp and cough.  We are in the tomb?

This hour, I am in His tomb.

Will it be mine?  Is that why He has come? To get me?  I am not ready to go.  I am not ready to go!  Tell me you are not here for me!

But, He is here for me, I remind myself.  He came for me so that I might never have to fear anything. I find myself taking the deepest breath I can.  Not even death.  I relax and

breathe again and the tears are falling faster.  Still, I don’t want to be here in this tomb with you, Jesus. I love you, but I don’t want to be here.  Not today. My heart pleads but my breathing is better.  Let me stay.  I relax and exhale again.  I wanna stay.

Once we walk through the sliding doors of the emergency room I do not have to wait.  My breathing, coughing, gasping is better to me, but is unsettling to those tending to me.   I am taken back to a room where I receive help to breath from a small machine.  I close my eyes again…but Jesus and the tomb are gone.  I start crying.  Those around me ask if something hurts.  I just know He let me stay.

Prayer

Jesus, we are all there in the tomb with you, whether we know it or not.  As we dwell in darkness, with no air, help us to let go of the things about ourselves and our living that need to be buried with you.

Ponderings

1.  Which part of you/your life needs to be in the tomb with Jesus?

2.  What stands in the way of you letting go?

3.  What will be different in your life when the stone is rolled away?

4.  How is God speaking to you this hour of this day?

Partnership Pause with Outreach For Hope

Pray for OFH congregation, Our Saviors Lutheran Church inMilwaukee.  The Wednesday Noon Prayer Services and Lunch provides an opportunity for persons living in poverty to be fed spiritually and enjoy a warm, nourishing meal, experiencing the warmth and support that comes by being part of a community of faith.

The Funeral Home +++ Day 39

Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Luke 23:42

She was a daughter.  She was a mother.  She was a wife.
She was addicted.  She was abused.  She was conflicted.
She was my food pantry client.  She was my neighbor.  She was my friend.
This hour, I am saying goodbye to Cathy.

The funeral has brought together an interesting assortment of people.  Some, like me, are in deep mourning and will miss her, as complicated as our relationships with her may have been.  Others are here to pay their respects because it is the decent thing to do. Some are here to simply be present for her two children. A group of her drinking buddies are nervous and uncomfortable.  It could have just as easily been them lying in that casket. Still others have made their way through the door of this funeral home to snicker, mock, and be glad that she is gone.  They are as unable to hide their joy as we are our grief.

I am sure I am the only one who sees the three crosses.  Cathy hangs there with Jesus, asking for forgiveness, asking for mercy, asking to be remembered.  She is why he came.  I am why he came.  You are why he came.  We all are why he hangs there.

Prayer

Jesus, you gave all that you are, everything, your life, for each one of us.  Death is painful, but it isn’t anything unfamiliar to you.  Comfort us when we mourn.  May our grief strengthen us and remind us of the sacredness of our hours, our days, our lives.

Ponderings

1.  What are you mourning this day?

2.  Is there anything you need to bury?

3.  What part of you is nailed to the cross?

4.  How is God speaking to you this hour of this day?

Partnership Pause with Outreach For Hope

Pray for SeedFolks Youth Ministry, created by the Greater Milwaukee Synod, as it serves children, youth and families in the Greater Milwaukee area by providing spiritual, cultural, artistic and academic programs.

Day Care +++ Day 38

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.  Matthew 5:4

I am here to help them start a garden.  We will turn over the soil again in the plot that has already been carved out for the garden and in a couple of hours the tiny hands will be planting seeds.  I have spent the past week with the children, leading them in garden songs and activities. This hour I am playing in the dirt!

A parent arrives with her two children and instead of taking them in the areas where the other children are working with their teachers she brings them over to where I am digging.

My mother had a garden.  Her tone is matter-of-fact, almost abrasive. I can probably do that better than you.  She is referring to my digging.  I smile and hand her my shovel.  She starts digging without hesitation and for some reason I just stand there looking at her.  I could have picked up another shovel and helped out, but clearly, she is doing more than turning the soil over.  She is working through something else that has nothing to do with this day care garden.  I take her children by the hand as I grab the seed basket and head towards a landscape timber where we will sit and sort seed packets.  Twenty minutes or so pass by before the mother stops to lean on the shovel and catch her breath.

She died on a Sunday afternoon.  She shouts the information, directed towards me, louder than she needs to. She asked me to go to church with her but I didn’t feel like it, just like I never felt like helping her in the garden.  And then she came home and died before the roast was even done cooking. I stop what I am doing and stand up.  The teachers have given her their full attention also.  I start walking towards her but she raises the shovel as a warning.  I don’t need you to feel sorry for me.  I just need you to let me help everyday in this garden.

Okay.

Prayer

God of Reconciliation, you allow healing and new beginnings to sprout from the most unexpected places! Let your agenda be our agenda, even when we have no idea as to what is really going on!

Ponderings

1.  What unfinished business do you need to tend to?

2.  How do you move on/forgive yourself/let go?

3.  Who needs you to move yourself out of the way so that the other person may heal?

4.  How is God speaking to you this hour of this day?

Partnership Pause with Outreach For Hope

Pray for OFH congregation, Grace Lutheran Church.  Grace is central to the ELCA’s ministry to the poor in Kenosha, providing the space for the Urban Outreach Center, rotating with other churches to provide a nightly shelter for the homeless, including the only shower facility in the rotation, and a site for the LSS Strengthening Humanity Network.

Ecology Center +++ Day 37

And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.  Genesis 1:12

My children and I would come here when “here” was a small trailer that took no time to walk through.  Now, “here” is 20,000 square feet of building surrounded by 15 acres of outdoor classroom space.  “Here” is snapping turtles and solar panels and snakes and  a climbing wall and native grasses and toboggans and crayfish and snowshoes and a celebration of Creation city style!  This hour I am “here” at theUrbanEcologyCenter.

We come here frequently for the feeding of the animals on Saturdays, to play board games, to sled, to take walks, for community events.  Tonight we are celebrating Earth Day with the Earth Poets and other families who have gathered.  The atmosphere is full of creative, peaceful energy!  My children are enjoying the large indoor slide with many other kids.  My husband is deep in conversation with a couple of other men.  Yet, my spirit will not allow me to be completely content.  There are no other families here who look like ours.  No other African American families are present. Yes, I invited plenty.  None of them came.  It feels like we are Ambassadors from another nation.

Some of the social barriers, economic borders, cultural and racial boundaries that exist in this city still baffle me!  I want everyone to have a healthy, vibrant, stimulating life-journey.  Isn’t that what God wants, too?  Was not this the work Jesus immersed himself in?  Valuing humanity equally?  Celebrating God’s Creation together, its diversity, its beauty, the fullness thereof?  There is nothing exclusive about what God created.  It is here for all of us, if we would simply enter in.

Prayer

Creator God, you brought forth such an incredible playground called the Earth!  Teach us how to care for it, live upon it, respect it and enjoy it more fully together. 

Ponderings

1.  Where are the places you gather that are the least racially or culturally diverse?

2.  How do you celebrate Creation daily?  Weekly?

3.  Who do you need to help “bring along” so they might experience the fullness of life?

4.  How is God speaking to you this hour of this day?

Partnership Pause with Outreach For Hope

Pray for Crossroads a national Antiracism and Training program which partners with the Greater Milwaukee Synod.  People are often trapped in poverty because of institutional racism.  Crossroads helps identify structures that maintain systemic racism and inequality, and offers new structures that are liberating, life giving and just.

Crack House +++ Day 36

What do you think?  If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go in search of the one that went astray?  Matthew 18:12

They have not seen their mother in several days and the school has had to call social services.  We all knew where to find her and someone needed to go get her.  This hour I am sick to my stomach on the second floor of a crack house.

Too many of the faces lying on the mattresses, hung over in chairs are familiar to me.  Food Pantry, Bread of Healing, Corner Store, Bus Stop, McDonald’s, Sentry.  I have seen them before.  I see them fully now.  Those who are able see me, too, and they just don’t know what to say. The church lady doesn’t belong here.

I open a bathroom door and the mother I am seeking is there, sitting on the floor, hugging her legs to her chest.  She does not turn as I enter but responds when I call her by name. Someone else is asleep (I hope) in the bathtub.  The stench is so overwhelming that my stomach trembles and I vomit and cry at the same time.  I do not want to be here.

It is hard for me to understand, but she does not want to leave. I know who I am in here. There is a long pause.  I can’t be what nobody wants me to be out there.   My words have no magic in them this hour.  I cannot get her to leave.  And it feels as if a thick sludge is layering itself within my throat.  It is time for me to go.  And part of me is scared.

I am back down the steps and almost at the door when I feel someone pulling on my arm.  Help me.  Please, Help me.  I do not leave with the woman I came for but I do not leave alone.  God’s plan is revealed again.

Prayer

O, Jesus, you went out of your way to seek those who were lost, forgotten, judged, shunned.  You taught us how to walk with everyone, even when it means venturing into neighborhoods and other places we may not want to be. Direct our paths, O Lord.

Ponderings

1.  Where does your call to serve lead you?

2.  What is it you find difficult to do?

3.  When last did God’s plan differ from your plan?

4.  How is God speaking to you this hour of this day?

Partnership Pause with Outreach For Hope

Pray for OFH congregation,Saint Paul’s Lutheran Church Lao Ministry inMilwaukee.  Their mission is to witness the love of Jesus the Christ to immigrant families (primarily Buddhist background) fromLaos, through ministry of direct service, invitation, evangelism training, and fellowship events called LIFE – Laos Immigrant Family Enrichment events.

Barber Shop +++ Day 35

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Philippians 2:1-2

What’s going on in the community?  Make your way to the barber shop on a Saturday morning to find out.  Today, as always, it is full of conversation, opinions, ideas.  It is that time of year when the men can talk about tomorrow’s NFL games and last night’s NBA outcomes.  In our community, we discuss the details of the lives of Black entertainers as if they are our personal family members.  This morning, there is a high-profile divorce, an actress’s pregnancy, a forthcoming CD release, and a new movie role to dissect. The two young men sitting next are seeking female advice from anyone who is willing to offer some, because these females out here are crazy! A man enters selling socks and fresh fruit.  His efforts are successful and he leaves quite happy.

I am here with my seven-year-old son who is totally engaged in and excited about the animated conversations going on all around him.  He whispers questions in my ear when there is something he does not understand and then he goes back to taking it all in.  Although we have an appointment, we will wait for about an hour until it is his turn…and neither one of us mind at all.  This hour, the barber shop is like a field trip for both of us!

As I sit, I am reminded of how much this place is like a church.  It is a place of confession.  It is a place where the wisdom of Elders is sought, and sometimes, absolution is given.  It is a place where I hear Amen to that and Thank God and That wasn’t nothing but Jesus more than I will hear such exclamations tomorrow morning from the pews.  It is a place where people come for support, guidance and the strength to go on their way.  It is a place where people come to share a passing and to grieve. It is often a place of pure gladness, too!  It is a place I want my son to be.  God is here amongst God’s people.

Prayer

God of Life, you nourish us in so many places and through so many people!  Help me to not keep you or seek you just on Sunday mornings but to recognize your presence in so many places in my life!

Ponderings

1. Where are places of life and sharing in your community?

2. How and where do you learn from the Elders?

3.  Why is public conversation so important?

4.  How is God speaking to you this hour of this day?

Partnership Pause with Outreach For Hope

Pray for OFH ministry, the ELCA Urban Outreach Center inKenosha, which provides educational, emergency, spirituality and youth development serves to over 4000 individuals every year.  The program includes Bible Study, clothing closet, personal and infant supplies, GED classes in Spanish and English, computer classes, and a wide range of youth programs.

The Court House +++ Day 34

And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.  Mark 4:39

We are here to have the court legally determine what the teens already know; he is the baby’s father.  I know both parents, love both parents.  I wonder about the kind of care and nurture they are really able to give their son.  They are but emotional and spiritual infants themselves. This hour I am a worried grandmother.

I have brought my grandson’s mother to this looming structure of authority and law.  My stepson is here accompanied by his birthmother.  I am his mother, too.  The moments are awkward and the hour is long.  All around us in this vast hallway are people trying to navigate the storms in their lives.  One woman is seeking a restraining order against her sister.  A man and woman, much older than these teens in my life, have already entered the courtroom to receive the results of a paternity test they took months ago.  When the man exits he raises a piece of paper triumphantly proclaiming I told you I wasn’t that baby’s father! He leaves with his buddies.

The woman is alone and looking distraught as she takes a seat outside of the courtroom.  I walk over and sit next to her.  She looks up at me with tears falling.  I rub her back.  I take her hand.  I don’t know what I’m gonna do.  She says it over and over again.  It has taken on the sound of a chant. I whisper in her ear a prayer for her and her baby.  She thanks me and leaves.  I have a new hole in my heart.

Prayer

God, who has the power to calm all storms, even and especially the ones we create in our own lives, I ask that you be with everyone this hour, this day who are trying to navigate the turbulent waters in their lives.  This day, may they claim the peace that comes through knowing Your Son.

Ponderings

1.  How have you been present for someone else during their storm?

2.  Who needs you right now?

3.  Where do you often find peace?

4.  How is God speaking to you this hour of this day?

Partnership Pause with Outreach For Hope

Pray for OFH congregation, Reformation Lutheran Church, inMilwaukee, which gives structure and hospitality to people whose lives are unpredictable and broken, by ministry through Neighborhood Ministers, a Neighborhood Store and Coffee Shop, Nurture and Nourishment Food Pantry, and a Summer Youth Work Program.